Those around us are in an unrivaled position to help us. We all have something more to learn. But getting and giving feedback is hard. Here’s how to do it better (enriched with a few chocolate tips).
Asking for feedback may highlight good things of which you are unaware, and help avoid blind-spots that can impede or, even derail, your career.
Think about who might provide you with helpful feedback. Consider all trusted colleagues; those more senior and more junior, as well as your peers. People in other departments, with different roles and responsibilities, may have an interesting outlook that’s different from yours. People outside your organization can provide fresh insight ‘bereft of’ organizational blinkers. As part of professional development you might also consider starting a peer mentoring group.
How to Phrase Asking for Feedback
- Ask for feedback on positive aspects:
- “Any thoughts on what went well in that meeting?”
- Good feedback is constructive, i.e. actionable and reasonable. Encourage a focus on outcomes . For example: ‘consume the chocolate’. This allows you the space to figure out ‘how’ to achieve that yourself in a manner that works for you and takes advantage of your strengths.
- “What would a good business outcome look like with the time constraints we have?”
- When feedback is vague, good or bad, ask for an (actual) example. Hearing “Amazing, great job!” or “Not really up to scratch”, does nothing to help you understand what to focus.
- “Can you give me an example?”
- Ask for help: “Would you have any tips on how to resize this image to fit nicely on screen?”
- “How could I do that differently?”
Reacting To Feedback
- Remember feedback is context-specific to the company culture, the situation, and the person giving feedback. Give the emotional roller-coaster time to do a few loops. You’ll likely adjust your perspective overtime. Try and be open. Yes, it’s hard. Rejecting feedback, even gently, shuts it down. You don’t need to comment or explain anything. Say thank you. Decide later what, if anything, to do.
“As I get a little older, I realize life is perspectiveKendrick Lamar, The Heart Part 5
And my perspective may differ from yours”
- Focus on just one piece of feedback/chocolate at a time: change is hard.
“Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands, and then eat just one of the pieces.”Judith Viorst
Giving Actionable Feedback
Remember that the aim of feedback is to support the person’s learning and development. You may well feel uncomfortable. Take time to prepare structuring your feedback in S-B-I.
SBI Feedback Template
SBI is a model by the Center for Creative Leadership to simply and effectively give feedback.
S – Situation
I – Impact on yourself, I
- Situation: Bringing the person back to a (one) specific situation / something concrete that happened.
- Behaviour: A description of what you observed and heard, a factual description. Avoid energetic or colourful words.
- Impact (on yourself/I): Avoid your projections or assumptions of motivated the behaviour, here is the impact of your behaviour on me. “I” and “me” statements work well.
SBI Feedback Example 1
- S – When F was at the partner meeting
- B – S was not invited to participate in clients or higher-ups meetings
- I – which suggests to me that S was being excluded/unwelcome.
SBI Feedback Example 2
- S – At the tradeshow yesterday when you were talking to the person from <company name>
- B – I noticed that you talked over her
- I – which suggests to me that you were not listening to her.
SBI Feedback Example 3
- S – When we meet up for Lean In Ladies
- B – the host often works with her manager to secure sustenance which
- I – gives me hope that her manager notices her career investment.
SBI Feedback in Action
Feedback Considerations & Traps to Avoid
- Consider (above) what it’s like to receive feedback: Be kind.
- Provide feedback when you and this person are alone.
- Carefully choose the time and place to provide feedback. Sooner is better. Do not wait for the quarter/year-end review.
- Catch people doing things right: give positive feedback to encourage and reinforce constructive approaches.
- Focus on outcomes. Different people will have different equally effective approaches.
- You foster diversity by stating the desired outcome, not ‘how’ to get something done. Organizations are strengthened when there are multiple effective approaches.
- Focus on one piece of feedback: Avoid the sandwich approach (good/bad/good). It’s unhelpful. The message get lost.
- Avoid vagueness. “Great job” and “you did amazing” is nice but unhelpful. See the ‘SBI’ feedback method below.
- Be aware of unconscious bias (which we all have). Like cabbage-coated chocolate, avoid at all costs.
- Remember; women are more likely to receive in-actionable vague feedback.
- Passion is a good thing. Women are more frequently told they are ’emotional’ – typically they are passionate about doing things right. That is a good thing. Before proceeding, ask yourself ‘why’ this person is passionate?
- Men more often receive positive feedback and compliments about being ‘assertive’. Women are warned against being ‘aggressive’. Test yourself to see if you are being biased. Flip the gender: if this person was <other gender,> what conclusion about the behaviour would I have?would I still give have this reaction this feedback?
- Later, if someone is struggling to find an appropriate approach, ask if you may make a suggestion
- “May I make a suggestions?”
- Draw attention to good example:
- “Es graphics conveyed the key points well.”
Focus on Successful Outcomes, Not Approaches
There are many ways of working and yours is just one.There are many ways to successfully eat chocolate (which is more fun than skinning cats):
i). Chew,chew,chomp-up-fast, yum, yum, take-another-bite.
ii). Hold in mouth until thoroughly coated on teeth.
iii). Nibble just a littl' bit. Nibble just a littl' bit. <Repeat>
iv). Just stick it in your mouth for goodness sake: You are overthinking it.
Feedback & Your Line Manager
While ideally all feedback is helpful, your line manager deserves a specific mention. Don’t wait for the annual performance review but seeks out consultative input regularly. This might be at a monthly 1-on-1 or during / after a project.
- Ask: “what do I need to achieve to get to the next level?”
- Indicate your career aspirations if possible:
- “Would my career benefit from a stint in sales?”
- “Perhaps I should apply for the XX position when it comes up. What do you think?”
Further Resources on Receiving & Giving Feedback
- The Dangers Of Vague Feedback
- Some Essentials of Feedback & The Benefits of Peer Group – HBR Podcast 45 Minutes
- Crucial Conversation – Tools for Talking When the Stakes Are High – Book
- Skelligs Chocolate Drops Online (our favourite)