“Tell me what you want, what you really really want …“
The wonderful lyrics of the Spice Girls 1996 (yes, it’s that long ago) hit song. Sometimes knowing what we really want is a complex mix of work and life priorities, each challenging the other for pole position. And that’s just the items that are in our awareness.
Knowing where to invest your time, how to ask for what you want in negotiations or the next step in your career can require reflection and analysis of one’s current context.
All too frequently other things, the urgent but not quite so important things, get in the way. Taking time out to step back from the coal-face and evaluate a variety of aspects, can provide valuable insight that will add clarity and purpose to your next actions and overall direction.
Change within Your Area of Control, Affects Your Circle of Influence
One of the realisations in life is that we cannot change others, we can only change ourselves. However, when we do change ourselves, this does impact and influence others. What you do and how you are in relation to others matters.
When you change aspects of yourself, this can have a profound impact on yourself and others. But sustained change is not easily achieved. The existing organisation culture, societal norms and personal patterns, are all forces against change. A personal change in how you respond, your attitude, broadening your perception, can generate a paradigm shift in your perspective of a situation, challenge your assumptions and change the status-quo. For example ……
- – Respond differently, with more curiosity, with an open mind, with seeking to understand, or with empathy.
- – Change your thought process. Maybe the other person is doing their best (even if that is not ok with you); maybe they are stuck or you cannot see their context; others may not see your perspective or lack understanding.
- – Widen your horizon. Gain a wider perspective of your understanding, grow your knowledge and grow your network.
- – Assess action options. Know what responsibility you are taking; what do you expect of others; do they own the solution; what role do you own in finding the way forward.
- – Know when you are choosing inaction. Assess what is blocking your agency. Writing your thoughts for 5 mins can be a really interesting way to explore this.
Achieving Your “Best Self”
In order to be your best self, invest in your personal growth to increase your self-awareness and self-confidence. Focus on noticing your relating approach to working by yourself and with others. Gain clarity on areas for change and desire pathway forward. Other areas for focus can be …
- Building resilience and self-belief
- Awareness of current performance – your strengths, limiting beliefs and patterns
- Evaluate your approach to work relationships and dynamics
- Grow and develop negotiation skills, aiming for win-win
- Exercise ownership and responsibility – your exercising of choice
- Explore future potential – opportunities, risk-taking and chance
Coaching can be a great way to assist in exploring and developing these elements of oneself. Explore our 1-1 Professional Coaching service.
Be Courageous. Be Bold
Finally, don’t be afraid of how wonderful you can be, this quote from Marianne Wlliamson is a powerful inspirational thought (even if you are not religious). Consider with an openness to possibilities in identifying “what you really really want”.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
― Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of “A Course in Miracles”